in the small stuff

It’s funny how God uses every day events and chores to speak to us.  After all the rain that we’ve been getting here in Phoenix, the weeds have been starting poke out of the ground.  There aren’t just a few weeds but tons of them.  They’re an army of HOA fees waiting to pounce on us and it’s been on my mind to spray them down and kill them.  I’ve researched different sprays and one of them promises to kill the weeds at the root.  ”Yes,” I say to myself, “that’ll get rid of these pests for good!”  Well, I know it’s not for good because I used this same stuff last year and the weeds are back. In this way they are just like all the nagging problems that I face in life.  I’m not talking about my circumstances but more my character and my recurring sin that won’t go away.  They just don’t go away it seems.

One of proverbial weeds that has haunted me is a sense of hopelessness.  Last week or so I had a really random memory of a song I listened to in high school, maybe even middle school.  It’s a song by Soul Asylum (anyone remember them?) called Promises Broken.  Here’s the chorus:

Every little thing about this tells me
Nothing out there is ever gonna help me
All these words that I hear spoken are promises broken

Talk about depressing! I can sing it from memory; that’s how deeply it got driven into my mind.  Will no one ever help me? Am I on my own?  No. Not at all.  This is a weed that I need to kill at the root. My class at Phoenix Seminary is helping me here.  I am creating a profile of God based on the Psalms and this verse stood out to me.

The Lord is king forever and ever;
the nations perish from his land.
O Lord, you hear the desire of the afflicted;
you will strengthen their heart; you will incline your ear
to do justice to the fatherless and the oppressed,
so that man who is of the earth may strike terror no more.
~Psalm 10:16-18

God hears you and will bring justice.  I need to tell myself this every single day until all those old doubts and fears start to be replaced by the confidence that the Lord gives us.

my hope

Optimism is a great frame of mind and one of my long term goals is to become an authentically optimistic person.  However, I find that optimism isn’t permanent; at least not in me.  My optimism–not to mention my confidence–fails me as soon as problems and travails land firmly in my life.  My problems don’t  have to be big ones.  Even small waves can rock my shaky boat.

I’ve paid attention to those around me and I think this happens to lots of people.  In fact, I would say that the optimism most people have (if you could even call it such for some) cannot handle the weight that life throws at them.

Optimism is not permanent. It must be propped up by hope.

This verse has been echoing in my mind for months now: “Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed (1 Peter 1:13).” Hope is a good thing and sometimes I think hope and love hold hands in order to keep us going.  As I say this I even call to mind the verse in the Bible that includes faith along with hope and love to make a kind of bedrock to keep us from sinking.  But hope has to be set upon right thing in order for it to withstand the storms of life.  I firmly believe that hope is worthless by itself.  I also firmly believe that I have hope because my Creator has given me a lot of reason to hope.

I believe in a good Creator that knows my name, that formed me in my mother’s womb and wants what is good for me.  I believe also that this Creator also has a plan for me after my final breath has been breathed.  I believe that he understands the pain in the world and sees the evil done by people.  I also believe that this Creator decided to become like us and live neck deep in the highs and the lows of life.  To make a long story a bit shorter, I believe that this Creator found a way to make death–that ultimate threat–irrelevant.  If even death is irrelevant, what can I really worry about?

This is my hope.

are you a Christian?

I get uneasy when I tell people I am a Christian.  It’s not that I’m rethinking my beliefs–far from it.  The problem is that while everyone knows the term ‘Christian,’ not everyone gets the same picture in their head when they say it.  I’ve been told that the term ‘Christian’ was first used early in the history of Christianity as a way to insult this new religion and its followers.  These people weren’t Jews anymore, they were different.  They were the ‘Christ-ones’ or as might have been said today, ‘those Savior people.’ Being called a Christian was a slam.  And today, it seems to me that ‘Christian’ is becoming a pejorative word again.

You have probably heard the quote by Ghandi.  ”I like your Christ.  I do not like your Christians.  Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.”  This statement really cuts the core of my frustrations here.  I see what some Christians will say and do and it embarrasses me.  Sometimes they sound arrogant.  Other times, ignorant.  And each time I think to myself, “If I heard these things before becoming a Christian, I may have never become one at all.”  We Christians claim to worship and represent a God of love and a God of justice.  We (generally) claim to be a people of love and a people with the truth and yet we come across really harshly.  Consider this picture I took at Arizona State University last year.

 

a preacher speaking to gathered students at ASU

 

God is angry with the wicked every day.  Pretend you know nothing about Christianity and its God.  What would you think of them after reading this sign? What would you think of Christians?  Would you see a difference between Christianity and other religions? Personally, I would be repelled by this rather than drawn in. Now, I must admit a few things:  1) I did not get a chance to listen to this group’s message so I may be misrepresenting them, 2) this verse is in the Bible (albeit ripped out of context) and 3) these guys were far more tame than others I’ve seen on campus.  Nonetheless, their message of choice (printed in BIG letters) is one of God’s anger and I believe implies finger pointing at its audience.

These things make me so angry.

I’m angry because I don’t want to be grouped with them. Do I deny that the Bible speaks of God’s anger or wrath?  Not at all.  I actually believe God’s anger is integral and important to who he is when properly understood.  However, when I relate to others, I find that a harsh approach is not ‘convicting’ (as we Christians like to say) but rather is repelling.  I do not want to say, “God is angry with you,” or even “God hates you,” and then say, “God loves you.” Those are conflicting messages to someone that is unfamiliar with the overall message of the Bible.  To be honest, I’ve heard some really awful stories that people have encountered from Christians and it makes me ashamed for what fellow Christians have done to my friends, family and acquaintances.  I have done some of these things as well and I still feel guilt sometimes when I think about it.

Now, I understand that you cannot exist to simply to  please  people.  Sanitizing one’s beliefs in order to be palatable to everyone will probably require you to give up most of your beliefs.  I am also aware that I could treat others in the kindest way possible and explain the message of the Bible as clearly as I possibly could and there are some that would still take offense at my beliefs and maybe even a few that would label me a religious wacko.  I’m OK with this, actually, because it wasn’t my ‘jerkiness’ that caused them to reject what I believe but rather the content of the beliefs themselves.

So, to bring the conversation back around to the beginning,  I get uneasy to be called a Christian at times because it translates as “jerk” in many contexts.  I wish my frustrations were a new thing and that Christians have been people who stand for justice and love and mercy in the world that point the way to God rather than using the pointing of an angry finger or even the point of a sword as in ages gone by.  But I am repeating what’s been said many times over. Sometimes I’m tempted to use different terminology and leave ‘Christian’ behind and perhaps call myself ‘a follower of Jesus’ or something similar.  But I don’t know how useful that would actually be.  Perhaps I will need to reclaim the name of Christian and show others the way I believe it is supposed to be.